Let Me Let Go

Author: briony

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I thought it was over, baby We said our goodbyes But I can't go a day without your face Goin' through my mind

"Why are you doing this to yourself" she asked herself angrily as she pummeled the punching bag in front of her. "Why after all this time?" But she knew why. She still loved him, after all this time she still loved him.

In fact, not a single minute Passes without you in it Your voice, your touch Memories of your love Are with me all of the time

Last night she had dreamed again, every night, like always. But this time her dreams had all been of him. Her Angel. But he wasn't her Angel anymore. He belonged body and soul to someone else. Someone she had never called a friend, someone that had had an eye on him from the first day. Cordelia, the thought of her being with Angel made her stomach clench and her breath come in gasps. How the hell could he be with Cordelia? He said they would never be safe because of his curse. He couldn't take her into the sun. Did Cordy learn to prefer the dark? Buffy did because that is where she would find him. And what about his soul? Weren't they supposed to be soulmates? Joined forever by their love and his mark on her neck that had never faded. Was Cordy his soulmate now? Had he just forgotten all about forever?

Let me let go, baby Let me let go If this is for the best Why are you still in my heart? Are you still in my soul? Let me let go

Let me let go. She felt like she was dying, again. She was supposed to be going on with her life. A song on the radio, someone would say something and she would be back here again. Missing him so much feeling like part of her was still gone. She had been missing pieces of herself ever since the night he had left while the smoke swirled all around them. He had stood there looking at her, turned and then he was gone along with the most important part of her, her heart.

I talked to you the other day Looks like you made your escape You put us behind, no matter how hard I try I can't do the same

If only he hadn't called Giles. If only she hadn't answered the phone. The moment she said hello she knew. She could feel him on the other end. Her nerves tingled, hell, her whole body hummed. Just like it always had, for him. He had paused for a moment. "Buffy" He still said her name the same way, completely. He had never given her a nickname. "Angel?" She heard him draw in a quick breath he had never needed. Not in a long time anyway. "How are you, Buffy?" She wanted to shout at him. How do you think I am? I am still here, still alone. Still without you. Still waiting on forever. Is forever good for you. She heard a giggle in the background. Cordelia's voice. "Angel, hurry up we are going to be late for the movie." Then she had just knew. Her Angel was Cordelia's now. She just knew. "Hold on and I will get Giles for you," she managed to stutter. He didn't answer her and then "Buffy". There wasn't anything to say. What could he say to make this pain go away? She knew her heart had stopped beating in that moment. Tears ran down her face as Giles came to her and she handed him the phone. She opened the front door and ran into the night.

Let me let go, baby Let me let go It just isn't right I've been two thousand miles Down a dead-end road

Here she was again. In the cemetery, patrolling once again. The cold chill of the night. She would never be warm again. He made her feel warm. Her life was a dead-end. She still hadn't found normal. What was that anyway, normal? She turned and headed into town. I gotta get out of this damn place. The Bronze was still open. She could go there. Go to the lights, people, action, well maybe. Karaoke night?

Let me let go, darlin', won't you I just gotta know, yeah If this is for the best Why are you still in my heart? Are you still in my soul, let me let go

How did I get on this stage? I don't know how to sing. Close your eyes and let it out. Just open my mouth and sing. Hold my battered, missing pieces heart out for all the world to see and sing.

The lights of this strange city are shinin' But they don't hold no fascination for me I try to find the bright side, baby But everywhere I look Everywhere I turn, you're all I see

This place is strange without you. Nothing is the same anymore. Nothing will ever be the same anymore. I love you, I tried hard not to but I can't stop. Me too. I can't either. Someone stopped.

Let me Let me let go, baby, won't you Let me let go It just isn't right I've been two thousand miles Down a dead-end road

That's me. Dead-end Buffy. No wonder I am so tired. Who's the blue demon in the yellow leisure suit watching me from the end of the stage? Why is he shaking his head so sadly? Oh, I am still singing here. Just finish it Buffy. Just tell him how you feel.

Oh, let me let go, darlin', won't you I just gotta know If this is for the best Why are you still in my heart? Yeah, your still in my soul, let me let go Let me let go, let me let go

Lorne watched the tiny blonde hand over the mike and leave the stage heading for the front door. She had the weight of the world on her small shoulders, the Slayer. This was Angel's Slayer. He had to get back to L.A. Oh, Angel I have done a bad, bad thing. You see I met your champion; she's a tiny blonde with a broken heart that still walks in the night. She still lives in the night. She is still waiting, waiting for you.

the end