Author: Sarah
Feedback: Yes Please! Send to Sarah. Now let me clarify... NO FLAMES PLEASE! I don't mind if you don't like, but please only give constructive criticism on how can I make it better, tell me!!
Pairing: Buffy/Angel
Summary: Set 9 years after Chosen. Contains spoilers for ATS Season 5. Buffy and Angel have both built their own lives, albeit in completely different directions from each other.. What happens when our heroes meet once more and events of the past come full circle.
Disclaimer: I would be far kinder to them than the WB is!!!
Rating: NC17
AN1:This was originally just a piece of smut i wrote in an attempt to kick start my muse. Over time it developed into a story, but bear in mind there isn't much plot to it. I have been told it is a little angsty. Personally I don't see it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
A loud crash resounded throughout the room as the brightly decorated plate smashed against the wall. The intended target jumped away startled, his gaze flickering worriedly between the now shattered pieces of china lying on the floor and his obviously distraught wife. He looked like a fox caught in the headlights, not sure whether to try and run or face the inevitable.
"Go to hell!" she screamed, tears streaming down her face as she looked into her husband's eyes, the blue orbs reflecting his own disgust at what he had done. How could he do this to her again? What was so wrong with her that he kept seeking out other women? This was the last time she promised herself. Never again would he make a fool of her.
"It meant nothing darlin. Absolutely nothing. You have to believe me!" Lindsay entreated, refusing to acknowledge that maybe this time he had finally pushed her too far, past the tenuous tie that had kept her with him through his past indiscretions. If he just said the right words, she would forgive him again, right up until the next time she found out.
"That's the problem Linds. I don't believe you. At least not any more". Buffy roared, slowly backing away from him as she struggled to comprehend that he was giving her the same crap he always gave her when she caught him. Did she have 'stupid' tattooed across her forehead, and if so why had no one ever bothered to tell her?
"Love, please? It's the truth. I never meant to sleep with her it just happened" he pleaded, his arm outstretched as he tried valiantly to convince her that it had just been a one night stand not the torrid affair she was imagining.
"It's over Lindsay. I can't do this anymore. I can't turn my head and pretend it's not happening, that your not fucking anything that crosses your path. I love you but I don't want to be with you. I'm gonna go stay with faith tonight. I'll be back tomorrow to get some of my things", stated Buffy, for the first time in all the years she had known and loved him, seeing him exactly for what he was, a lowdown philanderer. No matter how much she hoped he was going to change, he never would and she couldn't live like that anymore. The constant wondering if he was going to come home or when the next time one of his lovers was going to show up on her doorstep was slowly destroying her very heart and soul and she needed to walk away now before there was nothing left of the young woman who once had such high hopes for her life.
"Baby please. Don't do this. Don't leave me. I need you", he begged, realisation dawning on him that this was it. He had finally pushed her too far. The young woman who had captivated him from the instant he saw her blindly running from Angel's office all those years ago with tears streaming down her face was walking away from him and there was nothing he could do to prevent it.
She laughed then, a laugh that was filled with bitterness and desolation. The only time she could ever remember feeling so utterly lost was the year after THEY brought her back and look how well things had turned out then.
"You don't need me. You never did. I should have left you after the first time". She stated, a coldness inhabiting her tone that made him flinch as her words sent a chill down his spine.
Always in the back of his mind he had harboured the knowledge that this was the Slayer he was dealing with but not once had he ever thought she would turn on him. Now that scenario was fast becoming a reality as his eyes saw the chilling, almost primal look filling her eyes, a look that was normally reserved for whatever prey she was stalking.
Buffy slowly walked towards him not halting in her progress until she was standing directly in front of him, her small hand reaching out to gently stroke the left side of his face, her fingers sweeping over his lips as he nuzzled his face into her hand trying to ascertain just what game she was playing.
His mind couldn't overrule his body though and just that one simple touch from her still aroused him beyond all measure, like it did every time he glimpsed her walking down the halls of the Slayer School with her friends. She was the epitome of everything he had ever truly wanted but he knew, just knew deep down inside that she had never felt that way about him. The simple truth of the matter was he knew that while she might love him, it was not the all consuming, obsessive love he felt for her. This fact alone was what compelled him to seek solace in the arms of other women, a desperate cry for the attention which always seemed to be focussed on everyone but him. He didn't begrudge her the love she felt for her friends, but it would be nice just once, if she could look at him with the same adoration she did everyone else around them and put him first before everyone else.
The tears were prickling at the back of her eyes as she tenderly stroked his smooth skin, running her fingers over his prominent cheekbones as she committed every detail to memory, knowing that this time was the last time she would ever touch him.
She pulled away from him, biting her lower lip to keep from crying out and releasing the pain she was feeling. That could wait until later, right now she had to be strong and finally do what she should have done long ago, before they were even married. Walk away.
As she turned to leave, he grabbed her arm, his eyes flickering dangerously as he asked "Are you going to him?"
Pulling her arm from his grip, she said."No. I'm going to be alone Lindsay. This isn't working. It never has. I was just too blind to realise that my cowardice is only destroying both of us. I'm so sorry".
All anger was forgotten as she realised what she had done to this man who had truly loved her, giving up everything he had known just to be with her, only asking for the one thing she could never give him in return. Her heart.
She knew that he had only pursued her originally as part of his relentless attempts to extract his petty revenge on Angel, but over time they had grown close and soon friendship turned into something more. For her it wasn't the passionate, all consuming love she felt for Angel but it was enough to make her feel safe and cared for and it had been enough until now.
As he heard the door close softly behind her, the latch slowly clicking into place he let out an inhuman howl knowing that he had lost the only thing he ever truly loved and it was his own fault.
****************
The bar was perfect she thought as she walked through the door. The sticky wooden floor impeding her journey to the bar as the soles of her shoes stuck to the surface.
The patrons were all ignorant to her presence, drinking their problems away as if they could find the solution in the bottom of an empty glass. No-one here could possibly know either her or Lindsay.
She realised then that as much as she needed to get drunk and make the pain disappear, she also needed to feel alive again for the first time since she had let the only man she would ever love stand outside in the rain, watching whilst she exchanged vows of forever with the one man he would always hate till the day he died.
The bartender looked up to see the beautiful young woman trying to attract his attention. Shuffling his way across the bar he gave her a sloppy grin as he asked "and what can I do for you darling?"
"Scotch neat. Oh just leave the bottle!" she replied not in the mood for his casual flirting. He was a good-looking guy but the last thing she felt like doing was immersing herself in some guy's body just to forget how pitiful her life had become.
She had made her choice five years ago and everything that had happened since was entirely her own fault. She knew that she had driven Lindsay to his casual affairs, his own need for her reassurance of their love making him seek any reaction from her, even hurt. The sad part was that it was just history repeating itself. She was the problem, the reason why her various partners had all suffered for their love of her. The torch she held for her first love had never been extinguished and no other man stood a chance at breaking through the iron clad walls surrounding her heart.
Positioning herself on the stool in front of the bar, her hand slowly twitched as the urge for nicotine overcame her. It was her only major vice and as hard as she tried to quit it was impossible living with Lindsay. Opening her purse she pulled a pack of Marlboro lights out, slowly grasping the slim stick between her fingers as she fumbled around for her lighter.
'I know I put it in here' she thought as she failed to locate it, the urge for nicotine overtaking her by the second, her hand anxiously feeling around for it.
"Do you want a light?" a deep voice asked, sending goose bumps rippling down her spine.
She recognised that voice instantly not needing to look at the man who had haunted her dreams for years to know that she had made a big mistake coming here tonight.
'Angel!'
************************
They stumbled backwards into the small hotel room, the larger man kicking the doors closed behind them as their mouths joined together while they struggled to get impossibly closer. It had been too long, far to long between every single kiss and caress and now they had to make up for lost time in the only way they knew how.
Their hands were everywhere as they proceeded to rip at each others clothes. The first garment to fall victim to their mutual desire was his shirt, as the petite blonde grasped both corners and yanked them apart, the mother of pearl buttons flying free and making a pinging noise as they landed in the far corners of the room. Her mouth watered at the sight of his perfectly chiselled chest, her tongue flicking out to wet her suddenly dry lips before she kissed him harder than before, his tongue moving into her mouth in a prefect imitation of what their lower bodies planned to do.
Her tiny pink top was next, the man drawing it over her blonde head to set her braless breasts free, the nipples already hard as he tweaked one tip between his fingers. Their mouths were still mating, his tongue slipping into her mouth and teasing her own as his lips pressed against hers with bruising force.
She wanted him. Had wanted him since the moment he announced his presence in the bar, and she couldn't make herself wait a second longer. Her fingers left his silky hair and trailed down his back loving the feel of his strong muscles concealed by the silk shirt he was wearing, until she finally reached his belt. Moving her hand around to his front, she deftly unclasped it, her nimble fingers managing to unbutton his fly before he pulled his face away from hers and stared deep into her eyes.
His gaze was hypnotic. Time stood still as he reached out a strong hand and slowly smoothed down her hair before removing her hand from his pants.
"Slow down. There's no hurry. We have all night" he murmured in her ear before his lips kissed a path of fire down her neck, pausing for a moment at the point where her life essence pulsed strongest to suck the flesh into his mouth, his teeth raking firmly across the raised scar in his determination to leave her a memento of this night.
No other words needed to be said. They both understood the unspoken implication that there could never be anything more between them than this single night. Their lives had taken different paths and too many people now relied on them for survival. There had been too many sacrifices made along the way by them both and now neither knew how to unravel the ties that bound them to their chosen destinies.
Even when he finally became human he had continued to work on the side of evil, attempting to right some of the law firms wrongs while trying to retain his faith that someday the final battle would be won and all evil pushed back just long enough for him to finally find some peace. Something he had not known since one rainy night so long ago that sometimes felt like just a dream.
Buffy had continued to fight the good fight, every day drawing her closer to the point she would finally break and give in to the darkness that surrounded her. Her days were spent training the potentials while her nights were still spent patrolling deserted graveyards, staking fledglings before they had the chance to cause the world problems. She immersed herself in her friends and their lives trying anything to lessen the pain that was slowly tearing her heart into tiny pieces that could never be repaired.
This small interlude in their separate lives was a present from the heavens above. Something that they desperately needed to reaffirm their belief that there was light at the end of the tunnel and nothing not even time could lessen their feelings for the other.
Their marriages had not dimmed their love but now there were too many others involved, who would be unbearably hurt if they ever found out what was happening this night.
But they had tonight!
She slid the loose fabric of his shirt back off of his shoulders, his arms moving away from their entanglement in her hair for a second as he let the garment slip to the floor.
As he cupped her full breasts in his hands, his fingers slowly drifting over the pump mounds, she sucked in a breath, his warm touch making the juices drip from her core freely in anticipation of what he would do next. It felt strange that he was warm but at the same time comforting, like a forgotten memory of the past which she knew had never happened. Always before his flesh had been cold, something that had neither aroused nor repelled her in the unbiased world of her love for him. It had truly never mattered to her what or who he was, her love for him overcoming all reason and making her ignore the feelings of everyone else around her until the day he had informed her of his marriage. That was the catalyst for her to move on with her life, ignoring the whispers in her mind that she would never forget her true soul mate whatever she did. He was the reason she married Lindsay in a fit of rage when he informed her a year after the fact that he had shanshued and was now human. Or perhaps it was his casual declaration that he still loved hr but they couldn't be together that finally broke her free of his hold, after so many years. None of that mattered now as she gave herself to him once more, ignoring all thoughts apart from the little devil inside of her telling her to take what she wanted before he changed his mind.
She was exquisite he thought as he slowly kissed his way down from her neck to her plump breasts, the rosy nipples straining against his fingers as her breathing became panty little moans that made his heart flutter. He could remember the first time they were together like this, the night he took her innocence. So much had changed between them, yet everything was still the same. It was only her who could make him feel really alive, in spite of the fact that he had been human for five long years now. Eve had never made him feel this way, his marriage one of convenience to convince the senior partners that he was their obedient lackey when in fact nothing was further from the truth. He pushed his everyday thoughts to the side and gave himself up to the moment, knowing that this could never happen again
Lowering his mouth to take a pert nubbin into his mouth he sucked hard on it while his tongue traced around the peak, her flesh tasting deliciously of honey and cream. He redoubled his efforts as a soft moan escaped her lips, her fingers running lazily across his chest as she mapped out the contours of the hard flesh.
She was driving him insane with her hands running over his chest, it was taking all his control not to throw her down on the bed and ravish her succulent body immediately, ignoring catering to the proper preliminaries first.
Impatiently he moved his free arm down to the hem of her skirt, slipping his hand underneath it so he could test how wet she was. His fingers skimmed the lace of her tiny panties, feeling the moisture soaking through them already. He had forgotten how easily aroused she always was with him, the first touch of their bodies and she had always been dripping wet.
Suppressing a groan of lust that threatened to explode from within him he traced the fabric covering her sex, rubbing insistently against her clit as she pushed herself hard against his hand.
He released her nipple from between his lips, as his free arm pulled her tightly against his solid form, his fingers never stopping in their teasing. He waked backwards until his knees hit the edge of the bed, letting himself fall he was soon resting on his back with her hot little body squirming on top of him.
As her hands reached down to hastily unzip his pants, he pushed her skirt up out of the way, letting it settle around her hips as his gaze fell on her skimpy underwear. God he loved thongs! Such a shame it couldn't stay.
As she managed to free his hard length from its tight confines, he ripped the scrap of lace from her body, tossing it aside as she scampered off the end of the bed and quickly pulled his boots and socks off.
He raised his hips as she pulled the black dress pants down, a sigh of relief filling the room as he was finally freed from the restraints.
When she didn't immediately rejoin him on the bed he looked down to see her staring at his erect cock with a wicked gleam in her eyes. She placed her knees on the bed, clearly unashamed of her nakedness, not that she had any need to be with a body like hers, he mused.
Slowly she climbed up his body until her head was level was his crotch, her pink tongue snaking out to lick her lips as she took in the delight before her.
At the first touch of her moist tongue lathing the tip of his shaft his hips jerked upwards involuntarily wanting to feel her lips curled around him as she sucked him deep into her mouth.
She knew what he wanted and decided to tease him a little, like he had her. Her mouth settling over the head, she flicked her tongue into the tiny hole that was already leaking a small drop of pre cum, swallowing it down before running her tongue around the tender underside.
He emitted a dangerous groan as she released his hardness and started trailing kisses along the underside, stopping to gently nip the flesh every so often until all he wanted was to ram his cock into the back of her throat. He had taught her how to do this one night in his apartment after patrol, showing her how to drive him wild with lust by flicking her tongue over the head before she took him inside her moth sending him into oblivion. It seemed so long ago now in his mind, but he had never forgotten the gentle initiation he had given her into the delights of the flesh.
As his body struggled to hold back from ramming into her, she sensed his discomfort and took pity on him, moving her mouth back over him before drawing him inside until she couldn't take anymore. Wrapping her hand around the base of his erection, she slowly started working her hand and mouth in tandem, caressing the whole of his hard flesh with her fingers and tongue as his hand twined in her hair, pressing her to take more of him with every downwards motion.
He could feel his orgasm approaching and wanted nothing more than to be in her when it occurred. Grasping her long hair between his fingers he tugged on it until she released him from her mouth looking at him in wonder as she slowly relaxed her grip on his manhood.
He didn't wait long enough to give her an explanation, grabbing her by the shoulders and rolling her onto her back before she had time to voice an objection he settled his head between her thighs, his tongue stroking out to lick a trail across her moist lips as she moaned in pleasure.
His fingers parted her outer lips, revealing her very essence to his ardent stare, desire making his eyes turn black as his tongue lazily circled her clit sending her dangerously close to climax.
Every cell in her body was on fire as he worked his talented mouth on her, invoking sensations the like of which she had experienced only once before. This was heaven on earth and god she wanted more.
As she felt a thick digit probe experimentally at her entrance, she tensed before relaxing and feeling him enter, her internal muscles clenching around the intrusion as it pressed further and further into her.
'She is so wet', was the only thought prevalent on his mind. Lust was flaring hotly through his brain as he worked to bring her to the climax he had withheld from her originally but now wanted her to experience at least once before he was finally inside of her.
She felt her flesh stretch as he inserted a second finger to her core, her mind a jumbled mess of thoughts, the only thing registering right now I her brain was the sensation of her muscles tightening in anticipation of her orgasm and the fact that this was her Angel.
As he pumped his fingers in and out of her he clamped his lips over her hard nub, sucking it harshly as he felt her tip over into her orgasm.
As she climaxed around him, she screamed his name, the syllables rolling off of her tongue as her mind shut down, giving control over to the indescribable pleasure he was bringing her.
He lapped up her juices, the sweet ambrosia sliding down his throat easily as she gasped for reath beneath him. Swiftly climbing off of her body, he grabbed at his pants, pulling his wallet out of the back pocket and yanking it open. Retrieving the foil covered square, he was thankful he had the foresight to place there earlier, he threw the items aside before tearing the small packet open, his fingers removing the thin latex sheath from its covering.
Moving back to the bed he positioned himself over her prone form, placing a tender kiss on her swollen lips before resting his weight onto one elbow as his other hand rolled the condom over his hardness, readying himself for what was to come.
She was floating in a haze of desire, her body still pulsating from her previous orgasm as she felt the rubber-covered tip of his erection press against her folds, the head rubbing up and down against her over sensitive clitoris before slowly slipping inside of her.
He called on every god or deity he had ever heard of as he entered her to stop him from coming too soon. She was the hottest woman he had ever known and oh god she was sooo tight.
As he started pumping in and out of her, the muscles in his thighs quivering with the strain of keeping his movements controlled he felt her hips begin to move up to meet his, their pace growing faster with every thrust.
He was so big, he seemed to touch her womb. His girth stretched her walls, making them accept him as he plundered the very core of her being. It had never felt like this with Lindsay she realised. Angel was the only man who had ever been able to touch her very soul!
She fit him perfectly, her body moving in time with his, their mutual groans of passion filling the otherwise silent room as he sped up his pace. The bed was creaking beneath them dangerously as they both gave in to their primal instincts, their need for each other overtaking everything else.
His cock was pistoning in and out of her by now, his hands grasping her hips as he pulled her into each and every thrust. Her hair was spread in abandon over the crisp white sheets as she pushed her body further into his, needing the release as much as he did.
He pulled all the way out until only the head remained, ignoring her whimper of discontent as he stilled himself for a moment before thrusting back in, deeper than before in one fluid movement.
She tumbled over then, white sparks of light darting in front of her eyes as she let out a scream of pleasure, her racing heart pounding in her chest as she succumbed to the cacophony of sensation, her body jerking wildy in her lovers arms.
He thrust into her harder, the contractions of her orgasm drawing his own closer to the surface until he felt like he was about to burst. His hips were banging against hers, his shaft burying itself deeper inside of her with every thrust as he exploded into her, his milky seed filling her as he continued moving until finally he was spent and collapsed over her pliant form.
***************
The moonlight streamed into the dark room as an unwanted observer, illuminating the pain stricken face of the young woman who was quietly dressing while the large man slept completely unaware in the bed beside her.
As she finished pulling the light camisole down over her breasts, adjusting it until she was decently attired, she turned to stare wistfully at the man she had loved for years, before his own marriage and before hers.
Now she knew what had been missing her entire life and it wasn't just the fantastic sex they had shared. It was the emotion behind the simplest of caresses', the passion that had been seemingly unquenchable. She wanted him again already and while part of her yearned to slip back beside him in the bed and lie in the protective shield of his arms, a little voice inside her head was warning her that if she did that she would never be able to make herself leave.
She tiptoed to the bed, consciously trying not to wake her sleeping lover as she bent down and placed a tender kiss on his lips, savouring the memory before slowly moving towards the door the tears that had been threatening to appear since the moment she had decided to leave finally beginning to trickle down and over her cheeks.
Maybe someday it would finally be their time, when they could be together without having to worry about the world as they knew it coming crumbling down around them. Events had come full circle between them and this time she was the one having to be strong and walk away. As she closed the door behind her on the only man she had and would ever love she took a deep breath knowing that the journey to rebuilding her life was only just beginning.
The End